To celebrate the launch month of NINE RULES TO BREAK WHEN ROMANCING A RAKE, I’ve asked some of my favorite authors to share their own Nine Rules here on the blog…
As regular readers know, one of my very favorite YA Novels of 2009 was the incredible Hate List by the hilarious, wonderful Jennifer Brown. I’m honored that Jennifer was willing to take time to celebrate the launch of Nine Rules with me…with her Nine Rules for Being an Agent of Change. The phrase–used by the principal in Hate List after the tragic events following a school shooting–encourages students to end bullying at the school…something I think we can all get behind.
With that, I turn it over to Jennifer (with the quick addition that Rule #1 is my very favorite lesson from her fabulous book):
1) See what’s really there. Not what you “think” someone else is thinking, or what you’re “assuming” someone else is like, but what and who is really there. Remember, you are not only your reputation — why should anyone else be only theirs?
2) Listen to your gut. Deep down, you know if you’re saying or doing something that is mean and hurtful. Trust that instinct — if your actions (or inactions) feel bad to you… take a different route! It’s never too late to change.
3) Save your applause for a friendlier show. Bullies love feedback, and the more you giggle, gasp, or stand and stare, the more likely they are to keep up their bullying act. So steal their applause. Just. Walk. Away.
4) Reach out in friendship to someone who needs it. You never know… the kid everyone tears down just might end up being the best friend you ever had.
5) Be the place where gossip goes to die. Bullying isn’t just about shoving into lockers or ridiculing in the lunch line. Gossip and rumors hurt just as much as a punch to the ribs. Don’t perpetuate rumors. Don’t add to the gossip. Don’t whisper or send hurtful emails. If you don’t spread hurt, maybe it will die.
6) If you’re being bullied, find a safe place… and go there! Don’t suffer alone. Tell a school counselor or teacher, parent, friend’s parent, or other trusted adult, sibling or friend. An adult can help put a stop to the bullying. And you could end up being someone’s hero — the person who prevented what’s happening to you from happening to someone else.
7) Be a carpenter, not a demolition crew. You have the power to build someone up or tear them down. Which would you rather be? Those people in #6 need someone to go to. Be that safe place. You can make a real difference in someone’s life, which is kind of awesome to think about.
8) Apologize. It’s never too late to decide you are so done with making someone miserable. An apology goes a long way, especially if it’s followed up with friendship (or at least a truce).
9) Wear an attitude: “Bullying is SO 1980s!” Make it loud and clear that you think bullying is another one of those uncool things your parents did “back in the day,” like wearing big, permed hair and stirrup pants and listening to Depeche Mode cassette tapes. You are so much more evolved than that. You are cool; bullying is so boringly old-school!
Jennifer is offering up a v. cool “Agent of Change” bracelet and a signed copy of Hate List for one lucky winner! To win, please comment below–one entry for each comment, two for telling us about an agent of change in your life. One winner will be chosen at random on Monday!
ETA: WINNER! Congrats to Cari!
To read more of Authors Rule(s), please click here!
March 5th, 2010 at 4:52 pm
I've been working on many of these rules in my personal and professional life, especially #2, "Listen to your gut." I hate the aftertaste of saying something which may seem witty and urbane at the time, then regretting such "show-offy" comments.
March 5th, 2010 at 4:54 pm
Regarding Rules # 4 & #7: I used to give lectures and seminars on the stigma associated with mental illness. One thing I emphasized: you don't have to be a person's best friend to make their day; a friendly "hello" in the school hallway can make a big impact on someone who's perceived as "different." I've gone on to smile and say hi to the homeless in my downtown, and both of us light up–acknowledgment of existence in this world is what so many of us crave!
March 5th, 2010 at 4:57 pm
Schuyler, I totally agree. It doesn't take being with someone at every moment to make a difference. Sometimes all someone needs is a friendly face in the crowd!
Cari
neohippy10 hotmail
March 5th, 2010 at 4:58 pm
A person who's been a real agent for change for me is my friend and former coworker, Beth. She has the most positive attitude toward people of anyone I've met. She says she really works at it, which makes me admire her efforts, even though she seems to do it effortlessly.
At one point in life, I thought I was unable to work. Beth kept turning every negative about myself I threw at her and sincerely told me how much I had to offer. That's the thing: she doesn't lie to make people feel good, she can just see so much talent and heart in people, she makes you believe it yourself. A year later, she was my coworker at a job I loved: helping people with mental illness find jobs.
March 5th, 2010 at 5:00 pm
Cari, I totally agree. I know when I'm walking around, feeling down, if someone smiles a genuine smile at me, even in passing–I feel SEEN. I want people to feel that way, too.
March 5th, 2010 at 5:02 pm
You know, I have to say that a co-worker of mine is an excellent agent of change. She tries to keep our workplace positive even while another co-worker is being, well, kind of manipulative and consistently negative about others. She's someone we can talk to – she's the safe place!
Cari
neohippy10 hotmail
March 5th, 2010 at 5:12 pm
In "Hate List," Jessica makes a superhuman effort to be an agent of change. I don't know if I could do what she did–but I admire her for overcoming so many obstacles to be a facilitator of change in her life and in her school.
March 5th, 2010 at 8:51 pm
I'd love to enter. My email is jpetroroy@gmail.com. My agent for change is my great-grandparents, who immigrated to this country with nothing and retained their positive attitude throughout
March 6th, 2010 at 6:33 pm
One of my best friends is an agent of change. Some mistake her for naïve or even stupid but she really likes to keep things friendly with everyone , which some times is really hard to do. I really admire her in that way :)
Great post!
entrelibros_blog at htomail dot com
March 7th, 2010 at 8:42 pm
I so agree that we all should be Agents of Change. It is much easier said than done though. When I use to live in LA, if you just smiled at someone in the Mall or at the check out, they thought you were strange. I much prefer living in the mid-west where so many people smile when passing on the street.
I've also tried to get my 2 teenage daughters to adopt the Agent of Change attitude and when I asked them to do it, they said people would think they are a freak – I kid you not!
March 8th, 2010 at 6:14 pm
All, thanks so much for leaving your awesome stories here…This was a fantastic conversation! Congrats to Cari for winning the copy of Hate List and the Agent of Change bracelet!