In the realm of existential questions, there are a few to which I believe that everyone should have an answer. These challenging mental inquiries include: Who would win in a fight: Batman or Spiderman? Best Harrison Ford character: Indiana Jones or Han Solo? Most irritating Tom: Cruise or Hanks?
Well, I’m adding one to the list. After a girl’s night in last week during which I watched Quantum of Solace, I wondered, who is better? Handsome, dapper, charming James Bond? Or extraordinarily skilled, physically remarkable, dark-historied Jason Bourne?
So, I did what people do in 2009 when they are in a conundrum. I put it to Twitter. and Facebook. Bourne? Or Bond?
NB: Ok. I used Daniel Craig above, but for the purposes of this existential question, please replace Mr. Craig with the Bond of your choosing.
Now, look. I know this appears, at first blush, to be a deceptively easy question. Bond is dapper, charming and just plain awesome. He has a steady job. He’s a spy, but that doesn’t seem to stop him from showing his face everywhere. If you were his chosen Bond Girl, you’d go to the Opera, you’d eat at all the fanciest restaurants, you’d gamble in Monte Carlo and you’d have sickeningly awesome clothes. Plus…there are SIX OF HIM. Soft spot for Connery or a longing to be Mrs. Remington Steele…Bond accommodates. And, for the men in the crowd…you’d be JAMES BOND for God’s sake. He wins. Hands down.
But, wait. Let’s look behind door number two. Specimen: Jason Bourne. This man gives dark and brooding a brand new look. I mean, seriously. He makes Heathcliff look like he could star in Hairspray, for goodness sake. Dead wife, dead kids, dead parents, totally reprogrammed by the CIA (or whatever organization he works for) and made into a Killing. Machine. Good looking? Sure! Handsome as they come! Skilled? My word. This guy does his job WELL. He can kill a Russian (or an American, for that matter) 16 different ways before breakfast. And, for the record, no one crashes through a window like Bourne. In a dark alley, you want Bourne on your side.
And, if you’re a woman…well…if you’ve ever wanted to save a guy–THIS is the guy you want to save. I mean, if you can get him to settle down and have a catch with the kids–you are one heckuva woman.
And so here we are again, which one do we pick? Let’s consider some of the scenarios in which one might need a Bourne. or a Bond.
* On the Lam — Bourne. Bond might bring his gorgeous Tux and you might get to tool off in a cigarette boat, but when you’re trying to hide–or run–you want a full-on professional by your side.
* Traveling — Bond. He lives the high life. And the bill goes to Her Majesty. Yes. You can afford that D&G gown. Get two.
* On Date Night — Bond. He’s clever. He’s fun. He knows his way around a Baccarat table. And if you get yourself in a bind, he’s got the gadgets to get you home. (Well, maybe…maybe not. An alarming number of Bond Girls die. And not in pleasant, she-didn’t-feel-a-thing kind of ways)
* At home on a Sunday afternoon — Bourne. Bond may have all those fantastic toys…but my bet is on Bourne for the handy stuff. I mean, really. Can you see this guy at the Home Depot? (But consider, Dear Reader, what I’ve said before: Bourne is a wounded hawk. He needs years of therapy. The expensive kind. I’m not thinking he’s going to star in a Kevin Costner movie any time soon.)
Hmmm. I’m still stuck.
What do you think?